Now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for … Barrows’ first-round mock. I’m doing this for two reasons. One, to keep myself entertained during the first 270 minutes when the 49ers aren’t on the clock. The second is that I want to beat Maiocco, who, it should be noted, is waiting an extra day to try to get a leg up. My motto: When it comes to mock drafts, it’s important to be right. But it’s more important to beat Maiocco. (If Maiocco wins, this gets erased and it’s like it never happened).
1. Miami. Jake Long. I’m one for one, baby!
2. St. Louis. Glenn Dorsey. They like Chris Long; they love Dorsey.
3. Atlanta. Chris Long. When you need character players, you go to UVA. Go Hoos!
4. Oakland. Vernon Gholston. Can Al resist Darren McFadden?
5. Kansas City. Sedrick Ellis. They really wanted Gholston. Damn you, Al Davis!
6. Jets. Darren McFadden. They’ll go nuts in Times Square.
7. Patriots. Leodis McKelvin. They lost Asante Samuel and Randall Gay in the offseason.
8. Ravens. Matt Ryan. It creates a mad scramble for the No. 2-rated QB.
9. Bengals. Branden Albert. When you need character players, you go to UVA. Go Hoos!
10. Saints. Keith Rivers. The versatile Rivers rounds out their linebacking corps.
11. Bills. Devin Thomas. The Bills need someone opposite Lee Evans. I think.
12. Broncos. Ryan Clady. Now he won’t have to alter the “Broncos rule!” tattoo on his back.
13. Panthers. Jeff Otah. If the Panthers want to be more physical, Otah is their guy.
14. Bears. Chris Williams. The best left tackle remaining goes to Chicago.
15. Detroit. Derrick Harvey. The Lions pinch themselves when they find Harvey available.
16. Cardinals. Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie. DRC helps a pass defense that was BAD.
17. Chiefs. Phillip Merling. Kansas City needs to replace Jared Allen’s pass rush.
18. Texans. Mike Jenkins. Another poor pass defense gets help
19. Eagles. Aqib Talib. This is a total shot in the dark. I have no freakin’ clue.
20. Buccaneers. Malcolm Kelly. Tampa Bay desperately needs offensive playmakers.
21. Redskins. Kentwan Balmer. The Skins’ d-line is getting long in the tooth.
22. Cowboys. Rashard Mendenhall. Finally, another running back gets selected.
23. Steelers. Jonathan Stewart. A latter day Jerome Bettis?
24. Titans. Limas Sweed. You know Vince Young will be happy.
25. Seattle. Lawrence Jackson. Seattle loves to platoon its defensive ends.
26. Jacksonville. Kenny Phillips. The sexy pick for the Super Bowl needs a safety.
27. Chargers. Gosder Cherilus. Another Super Bowl contender adds a right tackle.
28. Cowboys. Brandon Flowers. Cowboys desperately need cornerbacks.
29. 49ers. Quentin Groves. I’m sticking to my guns on this one ... unless they trade down.
30. Packers. Antoine Cason. You can never have too many cornerbacks.
31. Giants. Jerod Mayo. Super Bowl champs snag fast-rising linebacker.
More evidence the 49ers have become the Rodney Dangerfields of the league: While watching NFL Network yesterday, I noticed the scroll at the bottom said “David Bass” has torn a pectoral muscle. At the same time, the anchor was talking about the team’s Thursday presser and referred to the GM as Scot McLaughlin. …. “I tell ya, I was so ugly... When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother!"
-- Matt Barrows