1. OT Luke Joeckel, Texas A&M
Dear Kansas City: Alex Smith needs a comfortable and spacious pocket to be effective. Good luck with that - San Francisco.
2. OT Eric Fisher, Central Michigan
The last first-round tackle from Central Michigan turned out alright. But can Fisher sing Adele?
3. DT Sharrif Floyd.
Good news for Raiders fans: The 2014 draft should be loaded with quarterbacks: Taj Boyd, Teddy Bridgewater, David Fales, Johnny Football. Take your pick.
4. DE/OLB Dion Jordan
Tall, lithe and explosive, this guy could be the second coming of Jason Taylor. Or he could be Manny Lawson.
5. DE Ezekial Ansah, BYU
I know what you're thinking: Ansah probably will be the first "Ezekial" drafted by the NFL. Well, you're dead wrong. Have you already forgotten about DB Ezekial Gadson, selected by the Bills in the fifth round in 1988?
6. CB Dee Milliner, Alabama
If not for Texas A&M running back Christine Michael, Milliner would have the most effeminate name in the draft. (Most masculine: Bacarri Rambo. It sounds like something you drink the night before waking up in a dumpster somewhere outside of Manteca.)
7. QB Geno Smith, West Virginia.
The Cardinals desperately need a quarterback who can
run for his life from a rapidly crumbling pocket use his legs.
WR Keenan Allen, Cal.
He's got a very important workout scheduled for April 9. Ace that, and the former Bear standout could be rewarded with ... a relocation to Buffalo.
9. DT Star Loutulelei, Utah
The biggest Star to hit the Big Apple since Liza!
10. OG Jonathan Cooper, UNC
There's nothing mini about this Cooper. (Ok, that was lame. I'll do better next time).
11. WR Cordarrelle Patterson, Tennessee
San Diego's down-field danger vanished when it lost Vincent Jackson last year. It reappears with Patterson, a 6-3, 205 pounder who's excellent with the ball in his hand.
12. CB Xavier Rhodes, Florida State
The Dolphins - owners of a snazzy new logo - replace big-bodied Sean Smith at cornerback with big-bodied Rhodes.
13. DL Sheldon Richardson, Missouri
What do Aldon Smith, Justin Smith and Sheldon Richardson have in common? Their names all end in "n". Oh, and they all played at the University of Missouri. The 49ers trade a pick in the first, second and third rounds (three picks total) to nab Richardson, who becomes the Tiger heir to Justin Smith's right defensive end spot.
14. DT Sylvester Williams, UNC
Panthers earn government subsidy by hiring in-state.
15. OLB Barkevious Mingo, LSU
Maybe the Mingo ate your baby.
16. S Kenny Vaccaro, Texas
I mean, someone has to fill Craig Dahl's shoes.
17. OLB Jarvis Jones, Alabama
Jones reportedly is falling down draft boards because he ran a 4.9-second 40-yard dash, which is waaaaay slower than the 4.7-seconds he was expected to run. Somehow this trumps the fact that he had 28 sacks over the last two seasons.
18. OG Chance Warmack, Alabama
The same year that Larry Allen goes into the hall of fame, the Cowboys draft a huge, physically punishing guard. Still, it's hard to feel confident about a guy named "Chance."
19. LB Alec Ogletree, Georgia
Bet you didn't know: Alec Ogletree played at Georgia; James Edward Oglethorpe founded Georgia. (Like they wouldn't have found it anyway).
20. OT D.J. Fluker, Alabama
49ers hit Jason Campbell so often in November that Jake Cutler woke up with bruises.
21. S Eric Reid, LSU
Note to self: Maybe you can say something funny about he's going from one tiger mascot to another. You know, maybe tie in, 'They'reeee Greeeaaaat!' somehow. Life of Pi pun? Don't worry, you have plenty of time to work on this.
22. WR Tavon Austin, West Virginia
The Greatest Show on Turf gets a new cast member.
23. DE Datone Jones, UCLA
Vikings need a good pass rusher opposite Jared Allen. Could FSU's Bjoern Werner be taken here? I'm not sure he was bjoern in the USA.
24. OL Justin Pugh, Syracuse
Protect your assets: Andrew Luck sacked 41 times last season.
25. WR Justin Hunter, Tennessee
What kind of team would take a risk on a wide receiver who's still recovering from an ACL tear? One with two picks in the first round that watched its own ACL patient run wild last season.
26. ILB Manti Te'o, Notre Dame
Green Bay's new favorite dish: catfish and cheddar.
27. WR DeAndre Hopkins, Clemson
Hopkins refused to talk to reporters at his pro day, which quickly earned praise from every GM in the league and propelled him up draft boards.
28. CB Johnthan Banks, Mississippi State
But will they get the pick in on time?
29. CB Desmond Trufant, Washington
When you have Mark Sanchez, Tarvaris Jackson and Ryan Tannehill in the division, you'd better stock up on cornerbacks.
30. RB Eddie Lacy, Alabama
Exit Michael Turner, enter Eddie Lacy?
31. TE Tyler Eifert, Notre Dame
Many happy returns, Dallas Clark. He turns 67 in June.
32. S Jonathan Cyprien, Florida International
Cyprien can play either strong or free safety, which is handy because Baltimore lost both this offseason.
-- Matt Barrows