The Swarm

Mix it up with The Bee's editorial board.

February 19, 2013
Unsound Bites: Obama, Tiger and Nike ... Oh my!


It was a week of natural and unnatural disasters: the giant metaphor that hit Russia, the latest Nike endorsement deal shot to hell, and President Obama's golf swing. First off...

UNSOUND22013.jpg
--Let's Look at the Weekend Forecast in NewsCenter Armageddon.
I don't know about you, but a catastrophic meteor impact wasn't part of my long-term investment strategy; I've got enough to worry about with the Potential Central Valley Megaflood. Cartoonists all over the country were handed a metameteorphor 55 feet across; in fact, in cartooning circles, when the meteor came in, other fellow artists were waving each other off on doing it at all. Fearful of cartooning social approbation, I avoided using it. Of course, I badly wanted to. I'm weak and cartoonists like drawing flaming chunks of anything. I promise that I will do a cartoon the next time we have a 100-year meteor event. And speaking of shooting stars...


It was a week of natural and unnatural disasters: the giant metaphor that hit Russia, the latest Nike endorsement deal shot to hell, and President Obama's golf swing. First off...

UNSOUND22013.jpg
--Let's Look at the Weekend Forecast in NewsCenter Armageddon.
I don't know about you, but a catastrophic meteor impact wasn't part of my long-term investment strategy; I've got enough to worry about with the Potential Central Valley Megaflood. Cartoonists all over the country were handed a metameteorphor 55 feet across; in fact, in cartooning circles, when the meteor came in, other fellow artists were waving each other off on doing it at all. Fearful of cartooning social approbation, I avoided using it. Of course, I badly wanted to. I'm weak and cartoonists like drawing flaming chunks of anything. I promise that I will do a cartoon the next time we have a 100-year meteor event. And speaking of shooting stars...

--The Oscar for Worst Judgment, at the Very Least. Pity poor Phil Knight, the Nike CEO. He's signed up some of the biggest names in sports, only later to discover that they are:

1. Secret Dog Fighters
2. Compulsive Womanizers with the Yips and/or Great Jumpshots
3. Lying but Aerobically Spectacular Junkies
4. Pedophile-enabling Creeps
5. Unpleasant Personalities

This week, the footless runner Oscar Pistorius (allegedly) shot his girlfriend (mistaking her for an intruder he has had many loud arguments with), which is just another example of why we shouldn't deify athletes any more than, say, cartoonists. Of course, I am so open to major endorsement deal from Uniball pens or Strathmore Paper (my agent's number is 916-321-1911 and can be reached at johman@sacbee.com...ask for Jack). One outfit I will never endorse is Nike; they're terribly bad luck. And speaking of Nike Endorsers...

UNSOUND22013B.jpg

--The President of The United States Golfs Way More Than Any Republican I Know, and With Tiger Woods. As a golfer (mediocre, really), a golf book author, and the father of a son who lettered in golf, I am not baffled by President Obama's interest in golf. However, I am baffled by his need to golf with the fallen meteor/flaming chunks coming off/ big hole in ground Tiger Woods. Look, what Tiger Woods did is forgiveable, but the bigger problem is that he's so 2008. Why not golf with Phil Mickelson instead? It would be way better politically for the president to golf with Phil, and Obama might spend some time persuading him that some of his tax money goes to worthy causes like Obamacare @ which props up Big Pharma, for whom Phil makes a considerable amount of money doing commercials.

Ask your doctor or pharmacist if money is right for you.

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About The Swarm

The Swarm is written by members of The Sacramento Bee's editorial board. They meet daily and are separate from the newsroom. Views included here are those of individual writers, and do not necessarily reflect those of a majority of the board or the positions expressed in The Bee's editorials.

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